I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
