It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
