Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
