P.S. I can't hear my feet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
