You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
