Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
