Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
