"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
