kristin has been a bad kristin
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
