It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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