Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
