I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
