if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
