It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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