i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
