U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
