Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Terrible idea I love it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
