My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
