why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
