so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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