this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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