I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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