I think im going to throw up on grandma
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
