Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
