Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
