I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
