Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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