guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
