He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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