There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
