my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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