i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
