Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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