Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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