Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
