we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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