hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
