So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
