she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
