I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
