Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
