pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
