real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
