In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
