There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love you. Go after that dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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