y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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