Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
