Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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