that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
