What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
