Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
