It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My cat gives me a boner
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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