i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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