And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
