Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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